If you’ve ever sat through a meeting that could’ve been an email, you know the struggle. But looking disengaged is career suicide—so here’s your foolproof guide to pretending you care while mentally planning your grocery list.
1. Nod Your Head Every 30 Seconds
- The golden rule of fake enthusiasm: the “thoughtful nod.”
- Tilt your head slightly, furrow your brows just enough to look engaged, and nod as if the speaker is unveiling the secrets of the universe—even if they’re just explaining how to format spreadsheets.
- Bonus move: Occasionally scribble something down so it looks like you’re taking notes, not drawing dinosaurs.
2. Say “That’s a Great Point” at Random Intervals
- The key is strategic agreement.
- Drop a “That’s a great point” when the speaker pauses—this makes you seem engaged while also discouraging them from explaining further.
- Pair it with an affirmative nod (see Step 1) for extra credibility.
3. Pretend to Take Notes (But Actually Doodle)
- Nobody’s actually reading your notes, so why not use that space to draw cartoon versions of your coworkers?
- Alternative: Write dramatic one-liners like “Still trapped in this meeting, send help.”
- Pro tip: If you feel like your doodling is obvious, occasionally underline random words from the PowerPoint to look engaged.
4. Laugh at the Boss’s Terrible Jokes
- Nothing secures your survival like a well-timed fake chuckle.
- Advanced technique: Gauge how hard others are laughing—match their level of enthusiasm, but don’t overdo it, or you’ll look unhinged.
- Warning: If the joke is a cringe-worthy dad joke, remember to exhale sharply through your nose instead of committing to a full laugh.
5. Start a Sentence with “To Build on That…” (Then Say Nothing New)
- This is the ultimate I-have-no-idea-what-we’re-talking-about move.
- Example:
Coworker: “We should prioritize efficiency.”
You: “To build on that, we should really focus on…efficiency.” - Congratulations! You’ve contributed without contributing.
6. Check the Clock Like Your Life Depends on It
- Subtly glance at the clock just often enough to show you’re mentally tracking time, but not so much that it looks like you’re trying to escape.
- If questioned, say: “I just want to be mindful of everyone’s time!” (They’ll think you’re considerate, not plotting your exit.)
7. Keep Your Webcam Off (If It’s a Zoom Meeting) and Perfect the “Frozen Screen” Trick
- If remote, mute yourself and occasionally react with a head tilt so they assume you’re deeply focused.
- Advanced move: “Accidentally” freeze your screen during a critical moment. Works best when someone asks you a direct question.
- When you come back, say: “Sorry, I missed that—bad connection!” No one will make you repeat the question.
Final Step: Profit (By Surviving the Meeting Without Losing Your Mind)
Congratulations! You’ve successfully faked enthusiasm in another pointless meeting. Now, go reward yourself with a snack—or better yet, start blocking off fake “focus time” on your calendar to avoid meetings altogether.
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